I am a cow.

Yes, I am beginning to believe that is all I am and all I am good for. I spend all day nursing. When I am not nursing one, I am nursing the other... and that is only if I am lucky. Most of the time, when Elisha sees me nursing Locke, he gets jealous and wants to nurse too. And let me tell you, nursing 2 at once (one of which is a fidgety toddler that does not understand that my boob does not stretch far enough for him to nurse and watch TV at the same time...) is NOT an easy task!

The good thing about sitting and nursing so much is that I have gotten some good reading time in. I have finished New Moon and Eclipse, and just picked up Breaking Dawn this morning as soon as WalMart opened. I am in love with Alice Cullen and, at this point in the series, she is my favorite character. She is simply infectious!

He is finally here!

Locke Benaiah (meaning: a fortified place that Yahweh has built up) was born this morning at a little before 7am. 9lb even, 20 1/2 in length, 14 1/2 in head. Labor was just about 3 hours long.

I woke at 3:30am hungry, so I got up and had some cereal, played around on the comp, and then tried to go back to bed. After laying back down I started to feel some decently strong contractions that I could not fall asleep through. So I got up, put on a movie and began timing them. They ranged from about 7 to 10 min apart. I woke Jeremy up because I needed the company, then called my midwife. She told me to take a shower and then try and get back in bed to see if I can sleep at all. Sometimes the shower will make the contractions lighten, sometimes they will pick up. She then said to call her if they pick up. So I take a shower and by the time I get out they got a bit stronger, but they did not get closer together so I decided to wait a bit. I paced the hall a bit and they began to get more and more intense, and then my brain went dead. Transition hit me so hard and fast that I had no idea what to do, let alone arm myself with coping mechanisms. I didn't even realize I was in transition at the time, and was nearly screaming "I cannot do this!!" I yelled for Jeremy to fill up the birth pool and then call the midwife. I was in transition for about 20 min at the most. He just starts filling the pool up when I called him into the bathroom, where I stood in the shower. He comes in and we both hear a POP and then see fluid and blood in the shower... my water had broke. I squatted down and said, "I think that is the head!" Jeremy goes to check and, lo and behold, that is what it is. He tries to help the head crown a bit and then decides to run and call the midwife. By the time he reached the phone my body was pushing on its own. One push, the head was out. I reached down to feel the head. Another push, the shoulders made their way through and I reached down and caught him and pulled him up to my chest. He let out a tiny cry and then snuggled into my chest, alert and perfect. Jeremy heard the cry and I called him, he dropped the phone and ran in to see the baby. He was ecstatic! He brought the boys in to see me and the baby, and then brought me the phone so my midwife could talk to me to see how I was doing. She walked us through getting me laying down and comfortable. 45 min later she arrived and checked us both out. Both me and baby were perfectly fine. I had a very, very, very, very small tear but that was it. No swelling and very little blood loss.

The experience was absolutely amazing, to say the least! Empowering and not as frightening as I thought. I keep looking at Jeremy and saying "I just birthed my baby and caught him all by myself!" It is the most wonderful feeling to just be in my own bed, in my own home, not having all the poking and prodding of hospital staff in a cold, unfamiliar environment. The boys are so excited to see their baby brother. Sebastian was thrilled, and Elisha is fascinated, looking with deep interest at the baby, touching his face very gently and responding with deep concern to his cries. He is a little confused about having to share his "num-nums"(nursing), but doesn't seem too bothered by it.

What an absolutely crazy day! I need some more sleep!

Biding my still pregnant time....

I finally got to read this wonderful book, thanks to my lovely sister. I expected to not be finished with it for quite a while... I finished it in less than 2 days. Ignoring my sister's warning, I read the little "taste" of the next book that comes at the end, and now I am thirsting for more (no vampiric pun intended). So, if not in labor, you will find me tomorrow running to the book store to get the next one... probably all of them so I just don't have to wait for the rest. And perhaps, if my body allows, we will head to the theater and see the movie while it is on its last leg in the theater.

Favorite character so far: Edward, of course. How could you not? Maybe its just me, but a character like that just begs to be fallen in love with. But I still have 3 more books to go, so that will most likely change. But I loved his playfulness and devotion.

Characters I hope I get to know better: Carlisle. Such an intriguing character with such a back-story simply cannot just be left where he is. I do hope he is delved into further in the next book.

And Jasper, he has my interest as well. Something tells me I want to know him better as the story continues.

Oh God, hear my cry.

Psalm 18:6

In my distress I called to the LORD;

I cried to my God for help.

From his temple he heard my voice;

my cry came before him, into his ears.

And the clock still ticks on this pregnancy, and I cry out to God for His hand upon it. I went in to my backup OB for a non-stress test(NST) and Ultrasound yesterday. The NST showed one slight variable, a dip in the baby's heart rate during a rather large contraction, but he recovered quickly, so there is not much cause for concern. The ultrasound showed that I am getting low on amniotic fluid, borderline normal but on the lower side, enough to cause concern in both the backup OB and my midwife (4.6 AFI -amniotic fluid index). So my midwife has me hydrating like crazy to help try and replenish the fluids. Tomorrow, she will come a 'stir the pot'(strip my membranes) to try and get things going. Hopefully that will work. If that does not get things going, I go in on Thursday for another NST and ultrasound and if fluids have continued to decrease, that means I will have to go in for a chemical induction... which means no home birth.

I am so scared right now. I do not, do not, do not want another hospital birth and the thought of another induction makes me ill. My midwife is pretty confident that everything will be OK, and I am trying to stay positive... but it is so hard.

Pray that everything goes well, and, if it is His will, that I go into labor within the next 2 days!